Q and Picard Have a Chat
by webidolchiu94
Summary: When Q is wandering the cosmos, he spots the Enterprise and has a cute little idea to pop by.


**I just had to put this ficlet out there before I exploded. Last year in 11****th**** grade we had a vocabulary test. It was different in that we could choose ten of the words we were given, and either just write out their definitions, or we could make up a story while using them in the correct context. I stink at defining things so I chose to make a story. I thought they were perfect for a Star Trek Fanfic, so for 50 minutes I wrote this with time to spare. I even used more than she required so I got extra points. I got a 100% btw… I love Q and Picard so, enjoy the weird story I came up with and wrote in an impossible time.**

Nothing was out of his parameters. Q floated around the cosmos, savoring his omnipotence and vast amount of power. Sure, he could subjugate an entire planet to his will if he wished to do so, all with one wave of his hand. However, that was too totalitarian for his liking. Creating a quasar or even another spatial anomaly such as a vortex was not beyond his capabilities either; Q and his kind were basically limitless in their ability to conjure and create, to destroy and rebuild. But at the moment, Q was very sad to say that he was feeling bored. With so much power, what _was _one to do with it as this point in time?

As the familiar sight of "Enterprise" glided past in big block capitals, Q noted how ironic it was that he'd not had this epiphany sooner.

It wrought no difficulty on Q's part to materialize on the bridge in corporeal form, as a human, wearing the standard Starfleet uniform. As per usual when it came to his visits, Picard ordered a red alert. Waving his hand, Q shut off the blaring alarms and irritating hemoglobin tinted lights.

"Are you that much of a xenophobe, Picard?" asked Q evenly. The bold Starfleet Capitan did not reciprocate a response, but calmed his tempestuous thoughts and stared at Q, smoothing his uniform down.

"Allow me to inculcate some tips of hospitality into your little mortal brain, Mon Capitan."

Yes, Q was always fascinated with Captain Picard though he would never in his endless lifespan be willing to admit this freely to anyone. He, as with few humans in history, held certain hubris about their character. Which, if you were to do heroic things, as Picard was often seen to do, was a very good thing to have when fighting tooth and nail against fate.

"Enough of your _chicanery_, Q," said Picard curtly. Eyeing the Captain's shiny, bald head, Q merely smiled.

"Am I really that much of a filibuster to your current mission, Jean Luc?"

"..."

"What?"

"You're more than loquacious, Q," said Picard, calming himself. "I'll give you that; you talk entirely too much."

"Oh Picard, always so feisty and nihilistic, you do remember that I can fiddle with your chromosomes in frightening ways that could leave you disabled? In a _wheelchair,_ perhaps?"

"I never forget, but I don't think you'd do such a feckless act."

Q's smile sank. Within his vast lexicon he could not pick out a single word in any language that could make a good retort. And _that _was really saying something. Instead, he did something else: he changed the subject.

"Let's see how much you really know, Mon Captain." he frowned dourly and circumnavigated around the Capitan's chair in the bridge. "How do you find the hypotenuse of a triangle?"

Picard sighed. "Q..."

"Answer, Captain, it may mean your life."

"A squared plus B squared equals C squared," muttered Picard in his crisp British accent. "I thought you knew everything, Q, why're you asking me this?"

"Name a concept of Physics," continued Q.

"Thermodynamics," Picard said, grumbling.

"I can subvert the laws of that," Q explained. I can make anything I want to heat up or cool down. Even the molten plasma used in your warp engines."

"Interesting," droned Picard, uninterested.

Q pressed on, undeterred. "Can you tell me what the energy from the plasma is being converted into?"

"Kinetic energy, it propels the ship forward, giving it movement."

"And what is housed in your hydroponics chamber, Picard? What is giving this _delightful_ ship air?"

"Plants," replied the captain. "Using photosynthesis they create Oxygen for us."

"What does oxygen do to most metals?"

"It oxidizes them, makes them rust and discolor."

"Which is why you at Starfleet don't use metal you use-"

"A metallic polymer instead, so that it resists any kind of wear."

"Which you plagiarized from the Borg, who created an efficient form of-"

"Nanotechnology, which we are still figuring out, Q. But today, today we had a breakthrough with those small machines and gizmos."

Q frowned. "I sincerely hope they don't cause some type of metamorphosis within you, Captain. I like you just the way you are, don't change."

"You're being sarcastic, aren't you, Q?"

"Moi? _Sarcastic?_ No."

And with that, Q vanished in a noiseless flash of light. He decided that soliloquy was a more peaceful route. How could one argue with himself while talking alone?


End file.
